So, today is the last day. Last day to finish my novel. I’ll place the beautiful words “The End” under my first draft. Yesterday when I realised that I really managed to finish a novel in a month I became ecstatic and started dancing to Shakira’s “Loca” in my room! 😉
It has been a long journey. Sometimes one month seems like nothing, and other times you experience more in one month than others in an entire year.
How can I sum up my time in Thailand? I would say I had the worst spiritual experiences here and a few of the best ones. I went through some deep soul detox and healing, I went through lessons of detachment, of letting go, of surrendering myself on a very deep level. This enabled me to experience pure bliss and I was showered with beautiful experiences. I feel my energy levels increased to a new high. My faith increased to a new high. The gratitude in my heart increased and is my daily companion. All of these gifts I can bring back home to Geneva now and share with all the beautiful souls waiting for me there.
Before I started writing I had all those ideas on how I would get up each morning at the same time, have a dedicated writing place, (ideally by the beach in a silent bungalow) write each day whatever amount I had decided to write and easy peasy, book is written in a month.
Only that it didn’t work this way. AT ALL!
I’m not a routine person, never have been, and as I came to realisation now, never will be. I hate waking up with the feeling that my entire day, or even week is planned out completely. That leaves no place for spontaneity. And spontaneous encounters is what keeps me inspired and helps me to see the magic in everything. So, needless to say, the” let’s get up early in the morning and get the writing done” didn’t quite work out. In fact, I didn’t even write every day. Some days I was so not in writing mood. Sometimes I just wanted to stay out all day and not even touch my laptop. I felt drained, brain-dead and felt like if I wrote one more word, I would get sucked inside my laptop, never to be seen again.
About the pain of writing
Those of you who have been following my blog know that I had a few meltdowns here and there, even wishing I could return back home to Geneva, wondering what a stupid idea it was to come here in the first place. That was my own insecurity speaking. I had this massive project ahead of me, and on top of it, it started becoming painful. I had read somewhere that every writer who writes his/her first book, whether novel or not, will always write an auto-biography. The main characters in my book are three kids and as I started writing about them, one in particular resembled me and my family when I was younger, so the old wounds came to the surface. Not in an angry or hateful way, not in a “I’m such a victim” way, not even in a blaming kind of way. Just the realisation of the very long journey I took in life to become who I am today, made me emotional, but at the same time very proud.
Anyway, how do you cope with all of that when you are supposed to be writing a book, a novel, and have to go through all sorts of emotions, good and bad. And I already worked a lot on myself. I’m wondering how people do it that never faced their skeletons from the past. Must be even more painful for them?
These things put me slightly behind my original writing schedule. But I just realised that I want to be flexible. If I feel I can’t write one day, but feel much more energised on another day, I’ll just write the double amount then. So far it worked like magic.
About Writer’s Block
I guess all of the above contributed to me feeling like I had some sort of Writer’s Block now and then. That and the fact that I realised my initial outline I had for my book was nearly useless, as I completely went off track and invented new ideas, and that’s where it became tricky. If you have to be creative AND write a lot, it might get tiring. Whereas if you have a solid outline, one that you don’t fundamentally change every day, then it’s easier to just write.
I also had so many ideas that I found it hard to put them all in my book. I want my book to have a main, easy to understand message, and not clutter my young readers with many different ideas and plots. So I needed to calm down again, breathe, and come back to my original idea and original message.
Now I understand the importance of a solid outline. It prevents you from experiencing severe Writer’s Block! In the future I will spend more time outlining the book until I’m 1000% happy with what I have, so that the writing process will be much easier.
About the working space
Just like the rest, my idea of a silent, peaceful place to write, ideally by the beach never worked out. My plan had been to stay in Koh Samui after my bf left. But I didn’t feel well there and I was looking forward to catching up with all my friends in Bangkok, so I came back here, to a noisy condo, in noisy Bangkok, in the middle of all the protests and mobs blocking the streets. I could literally feel the tension in the air here, which did not help with my already emotional state of mind. But then again, which writer has the luxury of an island retreat to write his/her books? Most writers have busy family lives, kids to look after, maybe even full-time jobs, and yet they still manage to write books. They just make it work so if they can, I decided, so can I.
I’m an expert in procrastination. I come up with all sorts of things to do, in order not to have to write. Cleaning the room, watching a movie, cleaning some more, going for some food, going to see my friends, telepathically communicating with the annoying two doves that shit every day on my balcony etc.
But the one thought that always brought me back to writing was: BUT I TOLD THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD I’M WRITING A BOOK!
I’m not gonna be the one who told everyone I would write a book and then return back home and say: “Hey, sorry guys, no book!”
So, this is a tip for everyone wanting to write a book: TELL EVERYONE you are going to write a book and by when. That’s one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place. How much would it suck to start a blog about writing a book and then abandon the book AND the blog where you have been bragging about what a great writer you have been so far. 😀
I realised I could never have written this 1st draft if I didn’t have a massive support from family, friends and even my clients, who all believed in me, who kept encouraging me, kept asking how it’s going and offered their help to proofread my book. Those that told me they can feel I will get published, giving me hope to believe even more that indeed one day I will be holding a hard copy of my book in my hands. And above all my gratitude goes to my bf. I believe not many bf’s out there let their gf’s wander off for a few months and support her the way he did, even though it was hard for him/for us to be apart for so long. Se yes, to all of you who are reading this, thank you all for your continuous support and love. It meant the world to me!
Once back I will start rewriting 1st draft and improving it all so that my friends can start proofreading! 😀
Anyway, that’s it for today. Have to pack, clean and say good-bye to my friends. It will be hard to leave and I will miss my friends deeply!
Lots of love to all of you!