The Agony of Detachment & Love and Faith

Day 16 – and gosh – once you arrive more or less in the middle of your book it becomes harder and harder. One day I didn’t write at all and the next day I also didn’t make up for it. It takes so much energy now to write for different reasons:

1)      I go through my own cleansing process while writing this book.

2)      Some of my writings I have been channelling and that takes energy too.

3)      I keep having wonderful experiences here, meeting the most amazing people. People who inspire me. People who teach me so much.

So, what has been going on these last few days:

I went to a Vipassana Meditation led by British born Buddhist monk who has been living in Thailand for nearly 20 years. I can’t help but love Buddhist monks. There is something so loving about them, so caring and so wise. I’m not saying I will ever become a Buddhist, as I do not belong to any religious belief or believe system in particular, and mostly because I believe every religion has something to teach us and I’m so curious to learn about different teachings, prayers, mantras, healing etc.

The British monk was incredibly funny too, of course he had not lost his British humour. He led us through a wonderful meditation. Saying exactly the things I needed to hear. He was talking about detachment. Detachment from people, from material things, from results and so on. I believe this is my path and I’m right in the middle of it. Detachment is so hard when we love. But our constant need for being needed, our constant need for being appreciated, our constant need for being loved back, our constant need for recognition, our constant need for controlling our lives and everyone around us. Our need to please people. Our needs for material possessions: bigger flats, nicer cars, more holidays, more salary, more, more and more. Our need to feel special, our need to be seen as who we are. Our need to be right, our need to feed our egos, our need to be beautiful, our need to succeed in everything we do and see failure as the scariest thing of all.

Well, the path of detachment from all of that has been very hard and still is hard. I gave up a lot of these things already. I gave up all my material needs. Nowadays, the more I own, the heavier I feel. I can’t cope with any sort of clutter anymore. I trust 100% in the universe to provide me with enough income each month to pay my rent and basic needs. Somehow money always appears when I need it. Just like now where I could take time off work and concentrate on myself.

Right now I’m working on detaching myself from people I love. It doesn’t mean I want to see them less or love them less. It means I want to give up my attachment to enjoying the feeling of being needed. And this detachment actually frees up a lot of space for me to concentrate on myself instead. We need to stop worrying so much about others to the point where we always feel bad for them when they feel down, when we bombard them with all possible suggestions of getting better, and getting upset when they simply don’t move on and decide to stay in their situation. We need to trust that when they need us they will come to us and we will offer our help when it is needed. Pitying someone is the worst thing we can do. That means we do not respect their choices and their free will. I believe our souls decided on the lessons to learn before coming here. So sometimes going through painful experiences is part of our soul’s journey. So who are we to pity these people? Let’s be there when they need us and let’s be proud of them for their strength to cope with whatever life throws at them. Whether they listen to our advice or not doesn’t matter. It’s their journey and we need to respect that.

What is everyone reading this detaching from, or wanting to detach from?

So, that meditation was awesome. The hour we spent meditating and in silence, the minutes here and there where I managed to quieten my mind completely were pure magic. I left feeling peaceful, centred and above all so grateful.

Yesterday I had been invited to join a celebration from the Sikh community. Their Guru Ji had died 2 years ago and this week was his birthday so they had a celebration in the house he used to live in when in Bangkok. And what can I say: this evening has been again transformational for me.

I met a 13 year old girl, fluent in English. We immediately liked each other and she told me about the spirits she would see, her spirit guides and angels, how she wanted to become a doctor but also incorporate healing techniques such as Reiki. She told me about the abuse she went through as a child by her own mother. The nasty things her dad would tell her. How her little sister and brother would get sick at home because of all the anger and the fights between the parents. My heart reached out to her. I placed my hands on her legs and said “I’m sorry”. She smiled and said:

“That’s ok. I love my parents. No matter what. I’m grateful to have a grandmother who takes care of us”. That just melted my heart. A 13 year old girl, in such a negative and violent home, still loving her parents, a forgiving and loving soul, who kept her faith that all will be good, that she will become a doctor one day to help and heal people. The strength of this girl, the humility, the love she has inside of her, all of that made me shiver inside as I looked into her wise, dark brown eyes.

All I could say was because I strongly felt it inside my heart: “You will be an amazing doctor and healer. Whatever happens to you now will make you so much stronger later in life”. And she agreed.

She then wanted to show us the bedroom of Guru Ji. Supposedly some people could see the universe in there when meditating and when looking at the ceiling.

Immediately when I entered that room my body started vibrating. For sure the energy in there was incredibly strong. My head was slightly dizzy. As we sat down to meditate I kept trying to see whether I could see the universe but I didn’t manage. The girl told me to close my eyes and let the energy from my 3rd eye move down into my eyes so I tried again. (Imagine, the 13 year old girl was teaching me!) This time I saw a lot of purple, it looked magical. Suddenly I was in a long tunnel, it was spinning and I nearly got afraid to have projected myself into a black hole or something, but in the end I saw 3 stars, 3 amazingly bright stars and I believe it was the 3 stars from Orion’s belt.

I then silently prayed and asked for a blessing for this girl and her brother and sister. And whoever reads this, join me in sending blessings and healings to all the kids in this world being abused. I pray that these kids never have their souls broken and continue their path with faith and love.

I’m grateful today for all these experiences. I’m grateful there are so many meditation and praying techniques. I’m grateful to experience so much love and faith wherever I go. Because that’s all we need: LOVE AND FAITH. All the rest we can detach from without problems, as long as we keep the love in our hearts and the faith going.

Lots of love to all of you.

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