The Big Bang(kok) Frustration & Autobiography

Yesterday was Day 7 of writing and first real frustrations started kicking in. Maybe not so much about the writing itself, that’s going according to plan with 25% of my novel written already, which is good. (Or scary as I feel I’m still at the beginning of the story and already have written so much!)

It’s more a frustration of being in Thailand, far from my boyfriend who I now haven’t seen for a week already. Being in Bangkok where the mobs take over the streets and no one knows what’s going to happen on Sunday when the election should be taking place, which they are trying to prevent from happening.

2 days ago we had a Reiki Share, meaning 5 of us met up to exchange Reiki treatments. After they healed me from some heavy past life that was coming up and was linked to my current life, I felt ok but had a huge headache. Yesterday I felt like I was detoxing emotionally. Anger was coming up and sadness. The feeling of not wanting to be here at all. The feeling of just wanting to shout: “That’s it motherfuckers, I’m out of here”! (Sorry for my English) 😉

But that’s not how it works, unfortunately. I want to finish my book and THEN go home, back to Geneva. Which is ironic, because since a year I have been day dreaming about coming back to Thailand and taking some time off work, to pamper myself, have all the time for myself that I need etc. And now that I’m here and escaped the winter in Europe it just seems like the last place I want to be. And I just miss working and my crazy Geneva “routine”. I wonder how my clients are doing and feel bad I’m not there.

Who knows what this is: maybe the Thailand Blues or the Big Bang(kok) Frustration.

On top of all that, this morning I suddenly had the feeling that one of the characters in my novel (there are three kids), resembles me as a child. And that brought some old wounds to the surface. And I was sitting here in my bed, tears running down my face, wondering what the heck is going on, as writing should be FUN and not PAINFUL, when I heard a little voice next to me saying: “Use this pain to write your book, Lais”. After a few more tears I decided to go and sit by the pool to get some sun, and now that I’m back, this is what I will be doing. Using my pain to continue writing this book.

Many people say your first book is always an auto-biography, whether you like it or not. I guess I’ll have to agree now…:-)

Anyway, my sweet friend invited me over for lunch at her place, so I’ll have a nice day.

Hope you are all having a nice day too! 🙂


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